proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize