I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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