ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
