Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
