i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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