I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
