Will you blow on my dice?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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