took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
