I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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