She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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