Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
