I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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