people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
