i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
