i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
