Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
