just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We have so much sex to catch up on
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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