he thought i was a dude.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
