the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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