last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
