2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
