you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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