Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
