How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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