it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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