i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
