part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
