I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
