I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
wow bdsm is so cute
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
