forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
