i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
