oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
