I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It's official drugs can't kill me
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
