didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
