I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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