what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
