Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
