Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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