and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
