Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
