the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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