I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
