I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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