I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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