How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
