yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
This baby is an asshole
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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