Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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