the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
