I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
