i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
