We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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