so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
