life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
