The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
