mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
