How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Randomize
