omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
