There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I didn't notice because vodka
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
