Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
