see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
you had me at cake vodka
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
