she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize