If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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