Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
