He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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