She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
operation have a gay friend backfired
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
