Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
