you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
This baby is an asshole
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
