What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize