thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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