What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
