He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
no you cant smoke seaweed
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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